The true China had infinitely exceeded the concepts and the words with which I had tried to visualize and foregauge it. China was no longer an idea; it had assumed flesh and bone. It is that incarnation I am going to tell about. -Simone de Beauvoir, The Long March, 1955
The God of Small Things If you have spent any amount of time traveling in a third world country you've most likely used the Lonely Planet. You will know that they love to tell you little insider factoids, like, for example, Indian beer contains glycerol that you can eliminate by dunking the open beer upside down in a glass of water. Some oily glycerol substance will float away and you have yourself a fresh cold non-glycerolic brew. Anyway, in the spirit of those small things, I've come up with a few small things of my own that only a trained traveler could fill you in on! For me personally they are simple pleasures really. For you, perhaps mere observations. But for traveling in South Asia, it's called life. 1. Dog balls If you live in the states (and you probably are, since you're my friend and you are reading this), think about the last time you saw a dog who had balls? That's right! Five years ago when you went to visit your cousin in the country! And if you think you saw them on a city dog, don't be fooled - those are prosethetics, designed to stablize the brooding male dog's ego. However, when you come to South Asia, be prepared for a dog ball explosion! (And dog tits too, Romulus and Remus would have had a field day.) They come in all shapes and sizes, and sometimes are so shiny they can reflect the sunshine. 2. Nose picking Now we all know how relaxing a good recreational nose pick can be. But we've been groomed to think that a) we shouldn't indulge or b) maybe only in the privacy of home (or the car). Well, pickers, here's your chance to dig in and let the world know that your sinuses are a veritable treasure trove. Everyone's doing it - your rickshaw driver, your waiter, the nice old lady who is someone's grandma. There's absolutly no need to be ashamed - it's dusty here and lord knows what kind of boogers need to be evacuated. They always tell you to get as 'local' as you can - here's your chance. 3. To Do Lists Traveling has a way of giving you time to come up with future projects that you may or may not ever accomplish when you get home: Make chai everyday. Do more yoga. Go blond. Name dog Shelley Winters. Buy Dog. Give Shelley Winters prosthetic balls. Go ahead and make your list as grandiose as you like because when you get home, you're going to be broke and depressed anyway. Let's face it, that real list - find job, pay off credit card, go to dentist - just ain't the same thing. 4. Farting Like standing next to open sewage isn't the best alibi ever? 'Nuf said, let her rip. |