How to quit your job and travel around the world

This is the box of condoms I received for Christmas. And these are the surgical masks. When I unwrapped the boxes, which were in my stocking and wrapped separately, my mother smiled knowingly, and said, “for your trip.”

How these two things go together I can’t imagine. However, if you look closely at the box of condoms, you’ll see that they are unlubricated and latex, which, to a woman who is 66 and came of age in the late 1950s, is the equivalent of abstinence. You have sex once with one of these and you’ll never want to have sex again.

But my mom isn’t alone. Nearly every girlfriend whom I’ve told that I am going to SE Asia reminds me to bring condoms. What do they know that I don’t? Is there a giant welcome penis for every western woman who gets off the plane in Bangkok? What is it about Bangkok that makes having sex so much more possible and regular than here in the states? No one ever tells you to bring condoms when you visit Chicago.

It’s not just my friends, but it’s the guidebooks as well. General information about STDs is mentioned in the Lonely Planet guidebooks, but it’s only in the women’s health section (and in the case of the Rough Guide, included in the gay section also) that implore us to bring along our own contraceptives. Careful ladies (and gays), once you see all that Australian expat cock, you’re going to go nuts! Don’t say we didn’t warn you!

Anyway, I did a little research and I learned this. According the Rough Guide’s “First Time to Asia” most expats keep their rubbers in the fridge. Interesting. Again, according to the book, local manufacturers use rubber that degrades quickly in extreme heat. Hmmm. Great, so not only do I need to bring condoms, but I need to bring a small cooler for them.

So as I get down to the last few days before I go and I continue to obsessively go over my packing list, I haven’t made any special effort to buy extra condoms. At my house, it’s sort of like looking for change in the couch. You can always find enough for a slice. So far I’ve dug up about a dozen from handbags and toiletry kits. And if I am humping more than a dozen times, let’s just say I ain’t coming home to Chicago.

How to say condom in …

Vietnamese – bao cao su
Thai – meechai (named after the former minister of health, Mr. Meechai)
Indonesian – kondom
Hindi/Urdu - kandom

I am leaving in just more than a week and I have been giving a lot of thought to what I actually want to do besides travel around and see amazing things. A friend emailed me a mantra to keep in mind, which I liked, and it is “go far, go deep and get lost.” But I wanted something more specific. I thought I should give a purpose to the trip and have a few questions that I want to answer. Here’s what I came up with.

Purpose(s)

Fact finding peace mission (think Hans Blix in a bikini)
To eat everything once (mmm, roasted snake)
Write stories

And questions for everyone, native residents, other travelers, myself, people on email, what have you …

What makes you happy or gives you inner peace? It’s a pretty simple question that I think will have some very interesting answers.

What do you really think about American pop culture and Americans?

What’s your favorite thing to eat? Who makes it? Where do you eat it?

Where is the American Apparel factory? Can I go there?